Anything You Can Do!
by TailFur
Summary: When Tugger tries to admit his crush on Bombalurina, things take a turn for the worse. My submission to RumTumTugress's Wuv contest. Song-fic, one-shot. Better than it sounds, trust me!


**So, anyways, this is my first submission to ! And I am so excited you cannot believe.**

**This is also my first contest story, songfic, and oneshot.**

**Finally, this is dedicated to my girl, Lorelie. Hope you all enjoy! (And trust me, this is probably the cheesiest thing you've ever read!)**

**BTW, I unfortunately do not own CATS or Annie Get Your Gun.**

The incessant squeal of Etcetera echoed around the Jellicle camp as the infamous Rum Tum Tugger strutted around the area, only to be followed by the kittens, begging him to fulfill their deepest fantasies.

"Marry me!"

"Adopt me!"

"Sign my tail!"

"I'll never wash this paw again!"

Tugger smirked as he shooed them off with his hand, which resulted in only the most loyal of his fankits to faint. Knowing that Jennyanydots, with her protective attitude and well-known scolding, Tugger quickly bounced off, finally free to do what he pleased. He searched the camp high and low before finding the one queen he wanted to talk to.

Hiding in a tree and watching Bombalurina lay on the TSE 1 car, Tugger debated in his mind whether this was a good idea. Not being the most patient cat, he enjoyed doing this by imagining an angel cat on one side talking to him and a devil cat on the other. The angel cat was the first to speak.

"C'mon, Tugs, you know you have to settle down sometime! And it's obvious Bomba likes you! Remember the Jellicle Ball when Grizabella move on?"

However, as devil cats always do, the angel's counterpart interrupted him swiftly.

"Pssh, don't listen to this doofus! He has no idea what he's talking about. Besides, Bombalurina is definitely not worthy of someone as awesome as you, Tugger!"

"Well, you do have a point there, devil cat," Tugger admitted, only to be shushed by the angel cat.

"Shut up! Now, just go and talk to her, Tugger, so we can get this over with!" the angel cat exclaimed, and with that, the two imaginary felines vanished.

After having supposed to think it over, Tugger leaped off the tree he was perched in and walked with swagger to Bombalurina, who had almost fallen to sleep on the broken-down car in the center of the camp before being poked.

"Hey babe-" Tugger began, before being interrupted by Bomba.

"Don't call me 'babe', Tugger. Why are you even here? Don't you have some other cat to annoy?" The queen interjected before lying her head down again.

"Aww, come on. I know you like me, why can't I give you a chance?" Tugger whined, jumping on the trunk of the car, rattling it and rolling Bombalurina off.

Bombalurina looked up at Tugger with disgust. "Because I'm better than you."

"Oh really? I beg to differ," Tugger smirked at her outlandish claim.

"No, really," Bombalurina replied before adding, "I even made a song about it."

Bombalurina: Tugger:

Anything you can do,  
I can do better.  
I can do anything  
Better than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can,  
Yes, I can!

Tugger, frusturated, followed Bombalurina as she brought the two's quarrel into the clearing, for everyone to watch.

Bombalurina **Tugger**  
Anything you can be  
I can be greater.  
Sooner or later,  
I'm greater than you.  
**No, you're not.**

Yes, I am.  
**No, you're not.**

Yes, I am.  
**No, you're NOT!**.

Yes, I am.  
Yes, I am!

**I can make a kitten**

**Cluck just like a chicken**.

I can make a tom squeal.

With a brush of my heel.

**I can live on bread and cheese.**

And only on that?

**Yes.**

So can a rat!

Any note you can reach  
I can go higher.  
I can sing anything  
Higher than you.

**No, you can't. (High)**

Yes, I can. (Higher)

**No, you can't. (Higher)**

Yes, I can. (Higher)

**No, you can't. (Higher)**

Yes, I can. (Higher)

**No, you can't. (Higher)**

Yes, I can. (Higher)

**No, you can't. (Higher)**

Yes, I CAN! (Highest)

Anything you can steal  
I can steal faster.  
I can steal anything  
Faster than you.

**Ten seconds****?**

Nine seconds!

**Eight seconds?**

Six seconds!

**No, you can't!**

Yes, I can,  
Yes, I can!

"'at's prettie fast!" intervened Mungojerrie, before being shushed by Rumpleteazer, who was not alone in enjoying the contest between Bombalurina and Tugger.

Anything you say  
I can say faster.  
I can say anything  
Faster than you.

**No, you can't. (Fast)**

Yes, I can. (Faster)

**No, you can't. (Faster)**

Yes, I can. (Faster)

**Noyoucan't. (Faster)**

YesIcan! (Fastest)

**I can drink my cream  
****Faster than a stream**.

I can drink it clean  
Too fast to be seen!

**I can play with any vase!**

Isn't that great? (Sarcastically)

**Yeah!**

Give me a break!  
Any note you can hold  
I can hold longer.  
I can hold any note  
Longer than you.

No, you can't.  
Yes, I can

No, you can't.  
Yes, I can

No, you can't.  
Yes, I can  
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I

CA-A-A-A-N!

**No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N'T-**

**(Cough, cough!)  
Yes, you ca-a-a-an!**

Exhausted, Tugger fell to the ground with barely a breath to spare. Bombalurina strutted over confidently, looking over at her competitor.

"I guess you won that one," Tugger wheezed, only to be cut off by a surprise kiss from Bombalurina.

"I'm also the best lover, for the record," she whispered before walking victoriously to her den, leaving him on the ground.

After Bombalurina had bested the Rum Tum Tugger, things had never been so different for the tom. His once adoring fan club had moved on and aspired to be just like Bomba in every way possible. This troubled Tugger, especially because he realized that if he hadn't talked to her that day, he would still be the flirtatious tom he was in his past.

Everyone was aware of Tugger's noticeable depression, especially Bombalurina. However, she managed to keep on a smile, having realized that she would be left alone if she didn't keep up her energetic self in front of the kits, who would rather die than leave.

After a while, Tugger didn't even both to come out of his den. His older brother and Jellicle protector Munkustrap tried to cheer him up by paying him a visit.

"Tugger!" He called playfully, as he had done in his youth when the two would play hide-and-go-seek together.

"Go away!" Tugger sobbed, his head buried into his arms.

"Hey now, that's no way to be!" Munkustrap said, sitting next to his brother and putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Well, how should I be? I can't be happy any more, there's no paparazzi for me!" Tugger cried overdramatically, grabbing a hankercheif Rumpleteazer had stolen for him when he felt he was appreciated.

"Now Tugger, just because you don't have adoring fans doesn't mean the world ends," Munkustrap reminded him, but to no avail.

"But the world has to revolve around me! Why else would everyone worship me and love me?" Tugger continued, obviously not making his brother's job easier on him. "They do love and worship me, right?"

"Well…" Munkustrap trailed off, certainly not wanting to break the inevitable news to Tugger. "Look, just try and look on the bright side…" He started, but not quite sure how to finish his sentence, so he silently left before the uncomfortableness grew to be too much.

No one was quite sure how to help Tugger cope with his embarrassment. After all, if Munkustrap couldn't help him, no one could. At least, no one except…

"Bombalurina!" Etcetera, the most loyal fan of the queen, called as she bounced over to where the she-cat was.

"What do you want now? I told you last time that I don't have anymore belongings to give away!" Bomba replied before getting her arm grabbed and pulled back by Etcetera, who looked longingly in her eyes.

"I need you do to all of the tribe a favor," she said, seeing that Bombalurina noticed the other kits ganging up around her.

"What do you girls want?" Bomba asked, a little frightened as Jemima stood up and started to speak.

"Tugger has been miserable ever since you sang that song with him!" She cried.

"Munkustrap tried to cheer him up, but it didn't work!" Victoria piped up, holding onto Jemima.

"So? What do you want me to do? That tom has been trouble for me since we first met!" Bomba spat, only to want to pull those words back into her mouth before they escaped. The kittens looked at her in utter shock as they could not believe how blunt their idol goddess could be.

"No, that's not what I meant! I mean…" But it was too late. The kittens, especially Etcetera had already ran off to spread the news to the rest of the tribe.

"Oh crap…"

When Bombalurina had seen the rest of the tribe again, she could not escape their despising stares directed at her.

"Guys, you know that's not what I meant, right?" Bombalurina tried to redeem herself. "Right?"

However, the others were not so forgiving.

"Well, what _do_ you want me to do?" Bomba asked.

"Oh, I think you know," Munkustrap said, his tail motioning to Tugger's den.

It took a moment for Bomba to process what Munk had in mind, but when it did, her heart sank. "Really?"

The tribe nodded in an eerie simultaneous manner.

Bomba sighed before looking at Munk in the eye. "Fine, but if I get mauled by him, I blame all of you," She warned before slowly dragging her paws into Tugger's den, where the tom was sobbing quietly into his arm fur

"Tugger? Tuggsy wuggsy?" Bomba called out, hoping that he wouldn't kill her right then and there.

"What do _you_ want?" Tugger cried, his voice muffled by his own tears.

"Look, I… I'm sorry for embarrassing you. It was wr-wr… wr-wr-wr-wrong of me…" Bomba muttered out, nervously putting her arms around Tugger.

Tugger looked up and into Bomba's eyes just before she mover in, resulting in an accidental kiss. While both had thoughts of pulling away, another part of them overpowered and said, "Why the hell not?"

And, my friends, one thing led to another.

After a very intimate night between the two cats, the rest of the tribe was getting worried. What if Bomba was right and Tugger really did maul her? Some of the kittens were to anxious to wait, and when the rest of the tribe had either fallen asleep or returned to their owners, Etcetera had sneaked into Tugger's den, which was pitch black from the night. However, when they heard snoring, Etcetera had realized what had happen and had emitted a noise inaudible to the human ear, but to a cat would be devastatingly loud.

Skimbleshanks, who was preparing for his trip to the Night Mail, had heard the noise and assumed that one of the kittens had been hurt, or worse, taken by Macavity, bounded off to the source. However, the outcome had been far more surprising, but not necessarily in a bad away.

Tugger and Bomba had both shrugged themselves awake, both having grown accustom to the incessant squeals of Etcetera, but became wide-awake when they realized that Etcetera knew what had happened and, from lack of air, fainted.

Skimble had barged in when Etcetera had gone unconscious, but after hearing what had really happened, he congratulated the two and carried the kit out of the den, wishing the two a good night.

The next morning, when the tribe had returned to the camp, things were like normal until Tugger came out of his den with Bomba's arms around his waist, both of them smiling.

"So, Bomba?" Munkustrap asked, once the two had gathered everyone's attention.

"Well, I had apologized, like you all said. And then he looked up and then we-" Bomba started, before being cut off by Tugger.

"Bomba, there are kits present!" He said, sounding serious, before both of them breaking out into laughter.

"Anyway, one thing led to another, and now-" Bomba tried to continue, but Etcetera couldn't contain her excitement any longer.

"BOMBA AND TUGGER ARE MATES!" She squealed, partially with delight, partially with despair.

Munku turned his head back to Tugger. "Is that so?"

Tugger shrugged, slightly embarrassed. "I suppose it's for the best."

Munkustrap smiled. "I'm sure Old Deuteronomy will be delighted."

"I really don't care if he is or not. I love Bomba, and right now, that's all that matters," Tugger replied.

Then, the tom looked at Bomba and told her before moving into a kiss.

"Anything you can do, we can do better."

**So, there you are! Please, review, because I need all the criticism (and love) that I can get! :)**

**-TF**


End file.
